-
I met my partner 13 years
ago. I had a nine year old son and he had two daughters aged 5 and 6. His
ex had ran off with his best friend and it eventually came out she had
been having an affair with him for the whole 8 years of their marriage and
before. When I met him she had left him and the children, she had
gone to live with a friend whilst waiting for a house.
The girls came everywhere
with us. When things settled the girls went back to live with her three
nights a week. During that time they experienced her partner being violent
towards her, the house they shared was smashed up regularly and the police
often called. We often went to pick them up in the middle of some trauma
or crisis. We wanted to keep them with us but she was their mother.
Although I love my partner
and his children dearly, I always got the feeling I was just a babysitter
for the mother. I was bringing them up, showing them a stable life,
teaching them right from wrong, taking them on holidays, talking to them
about the girly things in life. A mothers role. We had some problems
but I saw that as a good sign, if they were my own flesh and blood I would
have expected to have problems. Teenagers always resist parents and test
boundaries.
Their mother has never taken
the girls away or even spent a single weekend with them in the 13 years I
have been with them. They are now 19 and 21. Over the past two years
she has begun to see more of the girls but on a social level rather than a
motherly one. She encourages them to go drinking with her and then stands
proud as a peacock about how well her girls have turned out and how proud
she is of them. She has become a drinking partner for them although they
are not drinkers, they still go out with her and drink sensibly. My heart
is breaking tonight because my 19 year old step-daughter has just given
birth to a baby and I couldn't be there! Only two could attend and
that was her fella and her mother. Her mother has just phoned to inform us
of the baby's arrival and told us we can visit in about 8 hours time.
She told my partner how very
proud she was. I have been a rock for my step-daughter throughout her
pregnancy. I have been with her every step of the way. I have created
pregnancy diaries, photo albums of the pregnancy and played a very
enthusiastic part in it all. Because of the 'two to a bed' rule, my
partner and I left the hospital four hours before the baby was born.
I would not and did not
expect my step-daughter to put me before her mother and I understand that
no matter what her mum has done or said in the past or present, it is
still her mother. My point is that it just seems so unfair, it is
3am in the morning and I cannot sleep because I want to see the baby so
badly.
She has been there and had
the wonderful privilege of watching her grandchild being born, she has
supported her daughter at a time where its not difficult knowing the end
result is a baby, she saw and held the baby before my wonderful partner
who has been a phenomenal father to his girls, she will probably want to
see more of her grandchild than she did of her own girls and she gets all
the pride and glory and recognition of bringing up these two wonderful
girls when she did nothing! I always seem to get all the dirty work
like disciplines, manners, school, education, washing and ironing and in
she steps and experiences the true meaning and benefits of having children
without lifting a finger.
It just seems so wrong. I
will carry on though, the baby will call me nanna as arranged, I will
probably get to baby-sit when the other grandma is going out! She will
always put herself first whereas I cancel all appointments or plans to put
the children's needs first. As a matter of fact I will be babysitting for
the grandma!
