When I met my partner I had been separated from my husband for just over 18 months and was living on my own with an au pair to help with my son.

I moved back to England in February 2003 and for the first few weeks we lived with my mum and then we found a house to rent close by and moved in there. In the early days he was a brick and drove to where I had been living (over 1000 miles away) twice in a clapped out van to collect all my belongings and bring them home - he was very supportive.

We moved in together and for the first few months things went swimmingly. It didn't occur to me that when I met my partner there would be issues from his marriage that would cause so much pain.

My ex-husband was a violent man and abroad I had no-one to help me, no-one wanted to know and I felt completely isolated. I moved out and despite the difficulties between me and my ex-husband we never let it get in the way of our little boy and never involved him - he was too young to remember about then - and I certainly don't tell him about it now!!

So I was blissfully unaware that anyone could be so angry at the break up of their marriage that they could drag their children through it and damage them during the process - even 5 years after the marriage ended. My son travels very regularly abroad and spends quality time with his dad, three weeks in the summer, every half term, Easter and alternate Christmases and New Years - something I think is right. However, my partner's children get every other weekend from 10 to 6pm - Saturday & Sunday and alternate Christmas and Boxing Day and they live in the same country - only 20 minutes apart.

Since I moved back to the UK, access to the step children has been stopped so many times I've lost count - every time upsetting my partner immensely - and consequently the rest of the family. On many of the times contact was allowed by the ex-wife - she would start yelling and swearing in the street in front of the children and bad mouthing their father and saying that he had abandoned them and that he didn't love them. On several occasions my partner has been arrested as his ex-wife has accused him of physical violence - fortunately each of these accusations have been thrown out by the Police due to neighbours statements in his favour - yet she doesn't get arrested for wasting Police time??

As a result of this behaviour by the mother, the eldest son has changed his eating habits - and only eats what he chooses (no fruit or veg) - to try and regain some control and to get more attention from his mother (psychiatrist's words) he also has bouts of aggression against his mother (we don't see that side of him). The eldest daughter is now very naughty - badly scratched a neigbours car because of what her mother had said about that neighbour, the youngest is still a normal little girl though as is too young to be affected just yet.

The last straw was when we were told (after a period of good contact) that we could take the children away. So we spent a lot of money on tickets and accommodation and three days before leaving the ex-wife announced that the children didn't want to come - it later emerged this was because their mother had told them it would be boring.....no pool etc. After this we decided the best course of action would be to get a contact order made in court to take control away from her.

As you probably know the British Court system greatly favours the mother, this was true also in our case, from contact every weekend it fell to every other weekend and no overnight contact (specified by the mother) - although we did get alternate Christmas/Boxing Day too - we are also allowed two weeks holiday with the children if we take them abroad!!! - but they can't stay overnight here???  Our solicitor was also able to bring out the angry side of the ex-wife so her true colours could shine through. The CAFCASS report even said that she should get counselling as she still is angry about the break-up of her marriage and it's affecting the children.

I prefer the current contact arrangement as it not only inconveniences the ex-wife (she has the children every night of the year) but it means we have some time for our family. It also means I don't have to get really stressed with the step-children for not eating or being ungrateful every weekend!

Even though the contact order has been in place over 8 months now - occasionally the ex-wife messes up the childrens' heads and I'm ignored or they play up and so even the small time they get to spend with their father becomes strained. Fortunately the love they have for their father outweighs the negativity towards their father their mother tries to put on them.

My partner is no angel and hasn't bonded with my son, indeed he often ignores him and readily tells him off if he has done something wrong but doesn't give him the positive feedback he needs when he is deserving of it to counteract this negativity. This is another draw back of second marriages and is something I will not let go.

I haven't gone into great detail about the stress the ex-wife has caused me and my family and all the games she has played as there are too many to list here. I lost a stone in weight the first time she got my partner arrested and I have had to be there to calm my partner down when he has gone round to collect his children and she has pretended not be there or shouted they're not coming. It's been a rough ride and if I had my time again I wouldn't have chosen the same route. At times the love I have for my partner is the only thing that keeps us together. Currently his ex-wife is playing games again with contact and it puts a tremendous strain on our relationship and the little issues that wouldn't normally cause an argument cause a major to do.

We now have two children together aged 2 and 2 months in addition to my 8-year-old and I can honestly say, hand on heart, should our relationship end, I will never, ever, put my children through what my partners ex-wife has put their children through as the only losers are the children, who carry the scars for the rest of their lives.