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Well, I'm not quite sure
where to start really but I suppose the beginning would be my best option.
I met my now husband in December 2004. We had met through a texting
service that we both had access to on our mobile phones. We
instantly hit it off and within a couple of days we met.
I travelled 200 miles to the
other end of the country to meet him for a night out. I took along
my friend along for obvious reasons. He and I had chatted about our
separations from our ex's and I was relieved to hear he and his wife got
on really well together as my ex and I were not. It pleased me they
got on because I didn't want to get into a relationship that was full of
bitterness.
As it was the Christmas
period my new man had arranged to have his three children at his flat for
two weeks has they actually lived in my part of the country. The
morning after our night out they were due to arrive so we said goodbye
knowing this was going to be the start of something good. When I
arrived home we spent lots of hours just talking to each other on the
phone and when I spoke with the children and they seemed really nice and
friendly. After a week or so the children seemed fed up so I asked
them if they would like to visit my home. They were all very excited
about this.
After a couple of days there
was a problem regarding one of my children and his daughter. It was
a minor issue but created a very large problem which affected all of us
for the next two years. On the day in question his ex wife asked to
speak to me but my then partner was reluctant for this to happen.
The telephone conversation which took place I think must have made her
realise her husband was finally moving on. They had been separated
for five years but he had never gone into another relationship.
When he took the kids back,
she was nasty to him and in the days and weeks that followed she would not
let him talk to his children. After five weeks I decided to move the
200 miles to live with my new man ~ I don't know why but it felt right.
At this time his wife
stopped divorce proceedings, sent him nasty letters and got his elder son
who now lives with us to send letters trying to make him choose between me
and his kids. My partner stayed strong but was really hurting (thank
god he didn't give in to that emotional blackmail). He took it
through the Court system and the kids stayed firm in their beliefs they
didn't want to see their dad.
Eventually a child
psychologist was brought in and mediation took place. All the ex was
concerned about was me/us and our relationship. Although she had
told anybody who would listen it was only about what the children wanted,
it was so clear she was/is so screwed up about me being with her husband.
My husband got the
opportunity to speak with his children at her home with the mediator
present because the ex had told him if he wanted he could go to the house
and ask the kids if they wanted to see him or not. The mediator
picked up on this and that's just what they did ~ well, not quite but it
was the icebreaker. He got a chance to speak to the children and to
hear their views, albeit a lot sounded like the words were coming from an
adult.
They felt abandoned ~ he had
to except he had abandoned them even though it was the mother's intention
to use them as an emotional bargaining tool. That evening it was
made clear by the mediator that his eldest son wanted to see his dad.
That was good news as my husband had been in such a state after he had
been grilled by his kids that he was prepared to stop fighting for them
for their wellbeing.
There's good and bad news
now. In November, our divorces came through then my now eldest
stepson came for a weekend and had been emotionally abused by his mother
for doing so. On his return she threw him out because he had gone
against her wishes, which was obviously very distressing to her. She
had told him he was going to make her lose her court case.
My poor stepson was only
just strong enough to stand up to her. All he wanted was to do was
to see his dad and not leave his mum. The other two children, a girl
of 13 and a boy of 9, are still sticking with their mum and according to
the mediator are of the opinion their dad has stolen their brother.
My partner and I married on Valentine's Day 2006 and it was lovely,
especially as my stepson was my husband's best man.
His ex still will not speak
to me and continues to be nasty. She will not talk to me not even
about her son whom I care for whilst my husband is working. She is
demanded a number so she can call my husband, which she will not get.
We insist if she wants anything she can call our home number and stops any
nasty lies being told about him. She has got my new in-laws
believing I send her nasty emails and texts. All I want to do is be
civil. My in-laws say I should take a back seat but I think they
just should just mind their own business. She didn't want them in
the kids lives for two years either now she's dangling the kids in their
faces.
I wish she'd grow up for all
our sakes.
